Faye's Birthday Catastophe
by The Fellow Marauder
Summary: A bday fic for my friend, Jaclyn. The Bebop ganga are heading to mars to track a bounty head. However, Faye obstructs their chanes at catching said crook and cons her commrades into treating her for her birthday. Relatively funny. R&R!


This fanfic is being composed for my friend, Jaclyn. It's her birthday! Yippie! To Jaclyn: I am not sure if you've read any of my fanfics before, but I am hoping you will like this! Tanjobi omedetto(happy birthday)!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or story line to Cowboy Bebop. I just worship it from afar, near, and to the side.

Faye Valentine began humming to herself as she fixed her hair in the mirror in the bathroom of the Bebop. Applying red tantalizing lipstick to her lucious lips, she covered the bottom lip. Going from there, she made it halfway across her upper lip before the Bebop encountered some turbulance. Wine red lipstick slid off her lip, connecting with her nose before ending just below her eye. Eyebrows narrowing, Faye stormed out of the bathroom, stomping into the main area of the ship.

"JET!" She screamed.

Sitting nonchalantly, his legs crossed Spike sat, reading an old edition of the Ganymede newspaper. "Oh no, Jet. You've done it now." Popping her head up from behind the couch, Ed chirped.

"What did Jet do, Spike?"

Spike glanced over his shoulder, glaring momentarily at the small, strange girl behind him.

"Jet, what the hell did you do?" Faye shouted. Heated by her emotions, she had forgotten to wipe off her makeup faux pas before entering into her commrades presence. Thus, when the three other members of the Bebop saw her, they stared as silence fell throughout the room.

"Wha... what did you do to your face?" Jet asked, his voice cautious as if afraid of igniting her short fuse.

"Huh?" Faye was a bit unnerved by the silence surrounding her. Edward started laughing.

"Faye-Faye's a clown!"

"Huh?" Faye's eyes grew wider in a combination of shock and embarrassment. As Ed rolled around on the floor, Spike started his own wave of muffled laughter. Jet tried not to laugh at Edward's comment, so he coughed several times to cover up a chuckle. Embarassment aside, Faye's eyes narrowed once more. Stepping over the rolling Edward, she grabbed the periodical from Spike's hands and whacked him on the head.

"Hey!" Glaring at Faye, he stole back his newspaper and mumbled various insults under his breath while rubbing the spot where he had been hit.

"Jet," Faye growled, stepping up to the owner of the Bebop. "What the hell happened?"

"We hit the side of a small meteor." Jet Black replied, turning his back on the purple haired beauty and taking his place behind the controls. "We'll be landing on Mars in about an hour."

"Mars?"

"Yeah. We've tracked a bounty head there."

"How much?"

Jet glared over his shoulder at the still strangely made-up Faye. "...are you going to steal our money again, Faye?" Staring coldly back at him, she shook her head.

"But you're not going to catch the bounty either." Smiling smuggly, she made her way back to the bathroom to fix herself.

"What do you mean by that?" Jet called after her. Spike glanced over as well, waiting for the aggressive female to respond. Smiling, Faye reentered the room and shrugged.

"Today's my birthday. You boy's aren't going to spend it chasing after some no-good small fry. You boys are going to treat me to a nice party." Once again humming to herself, Faye left the room.

(_Mars_)

"Dammit, Jet!" Spike lifted his leg to connect it with the longside of his Swordfish. Growling to himself, he glared over at his partner, a limp cigarette hanging from his lips.

"Don't look at me." Jet grumbled.

"And why not?" Spike demanded. "You're the one who agreed to the woman's request." Slamming hos toolbox down onto the hanger of the Bebop, Jet's eyes narrowed dangerously. A temple pulsating in his forehead, he snapped back.

"You think I had a choice? She would steal everything, Spike! And even if she didn't, she would never let us hear the end of it!"

"Boys, boys." The two men's eyes fell on Faye walking towards them. The two original Bebop bounty hunters twitched as the object of their frustration entered their presence. "No need to fight over my attention."

Twitching once more, both Spike and Jet yelled, "Whose fighting over you?" Returning their outrage with a smile, Faye only shrugged and stared them down with her piercing but seductive emerald eyes.

"So, where are you boys taking me?"

Both men groaned in submission. Spike wanted nothing of the conversation; he was willing to put up with a few hours of torture in exchange for never having to hear Faye bitching about it. Jet, knowing he got stuck again with the planning, glared momentarily over at his original commrade. "Where do you want to go?" Jet asked in a voice that stated he was not happy about the situation, but was willing to face it head-on. Faye smirked, finally seeing that she was getting her way. She opened her mouth to say something when Edward jumped out of nowhere.

"Let's go to an amusement park!" Ed shouted, her arms flailing behind her as she ran in circles on the hanger, surrounding her three guardians. At her heels followed the devoted Ein. "Wheeee!"

Annoyed, Faye snapped at the thirteen year old girl. "We're _not_ going to a fun park, Ed!"

Ed stopped dead in her tracks, confusing Ein, who ran right into her legs. "Why not?" Ed pouted. "Edward wants to go on rides!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Ed." Faye said, in a tone that did not resemble being sorry at all. "But today's my birthday, and we are going to do what _I_ want, okay? Maybe on your birthday, you can go to an amusement park."

"Fun park! Fun park! Edward wants to go to a fuuuuuuuuuuunnn paaarrrrrkkk!" Ed sang, dancing around the Bebop once more. Faye groaned and rolled her eyed, giving up.

"Where _do_ you want to go, Faye?" Spike asked, finally allowing his curiosity to get the better of his miserable attitude. "The dog track? Casinos? Bars?"

"Actually..." the mysterious beauty smiled, her eyes shining. Both Spike and Jet knew what she was thinking. Gulping, the two men also knew what they were expected to give as a present.

(_Dog Track_)

"And number three is the winner, folks!"

"Aw, _man_!"

"That's right. Number three. Codename: Ichigo."

At the announcement of the winner of the race, there was a mixture of disgust, sorrow and victory. Faye was on the losing end of the pole, having lost eleven consecutive races in a row. Jet and Spike looked sickened by the sight, growing even more so when the announcer had called against Faye's bid. Since it was Faye's birthday, she had requested that Jet and Spike take her out to gamble. However, the violet haired vixen had conned the two of them to give her money for the races. She had claimed that it would be their little gift to her. Considering Faye's constant bad karma, the two men's pockets were running dry on cash as Faye kept betting and losing.

Not realizing (or perhaps not caring) about her commrade's state, Faye turned to them and smiled sweetly; her usual smile that underlined her wanting something. "I'm bored of this race." She said nonchalantly. Sighing, she gently swept her hair off her shoulders in a 'nothing can phase me' move. "Let's hit the casinos."

"But Faye," Jet started, feeling dread consume him. "Almost all our money is gone."

"Well, you'll just have to loan me more so I can win it back for you." Faye smiled, making it sound like they were the ones with all the bad luck. Neither one willing to fight Faye, they sourly agreed.

(_Casino... two hours later_)

"GODDAMMIT, FAYE!"

"I SAID I WAS SORRY, SPIKE!"

"WELL, YOU'RE NOT SORRY ENOUGH! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!"

"WHA... WHAT _I_ DID?"

"ARE YOU DEAF _AND_ STUPID, FAYE? YES, WHAT _YOU_ DID!"

"I FAIL TO SEE HOW ANY OF THIS IS MY FAULT, _SPIKE SPIEGEL!_" Faye spat.

Spike laughed, letting his anger control him. "Well, let's see." He snapped. He counted off all their misfortunes over the day. "First, you refuse to let us nab our bounty head. You demanded Jet and I to take you to the dog tracks. We were there for two hours and you spent more than half our money. _Then_ you decided it would be a _brilliant_ idea to try to 'win back' everything you lost at the casino. But guess what, Faye?" He snarled. "You lost! BIG surprise." Faye twitched. "So now we have _nothing_! We had to sell everything to have enough food to eat! Jet's Hammerhead is gone, my Swordfish is totalled and we're standing out on the street in the freezing cold because you decided to lose everything we have to get back to the Bebop!"

"Sheesh." Faye grumbled under her breath. "You don't have to blame everything on me." Temples pulsating in anger and aggression, it took all of Spike's willpower to keep from strangling the girl before him. In the end, he did not succeed. Walking menacingly towards his companion, he was about to set his hands around her throat when Jet came up and ripped him off.

"Stop it, Spike." Jet growled. "I know Faye's to blame in all of this."

"Me?" Faye gasped, sounding horrified to be at the butt-end of such an accusation. However, one cold look from Jet shut her up instantly. Ignoring Faye and turning back to his 'partner in crime', Jet continued.

"But we have to think of a logcial way out of this. We lost everything, but we still need to find a way to get back to the Bebop. Ed is still there with Ein, and who _knows_ what that kid can do alone in that ship." As if not realizing it before, Jet was suddenly taken over by his own fears. Growing silent, his skin turned a few shades paler. Finally shaking the thought aside, he turned so he could see both of them. Acting as the authorative figure, the ex-cop said calmly, "We need a way to get back to the Bebop. Tonight. So we need money in order to retreive my Hammerhead and get Spike's ship repaired." Once again setting his cold gaze on Faye, he grumbled. "Have any ideas?"  
"Well..." Faye paused a moment to think before a suspicious-like smile crossed her face. "I do have one... but I don't think either of you would like it..."

(_An hour later..._)

A car pulled up along the sidewalk, scanning the hookers that were gathered there. It was in the far end of town, where the lights were dim and anyone could go just to get a quick one off for a few bucks. As the car slowed to a stop, the driver's side window rolled down; a silent invite for anyone 'brave enough' to step up. One of them did.

The man inside the car smirked as he saw his prospective herlot. "Hmm. Nice and big, ain'tya, girly?" He joked, quite obviously nearly drunk. "I like my girls big... gives me something to grab onto, ya know?" He laughed some more. "Say... I haven't seen you in this area before. Are you new to the business?"

"Yes I am." Rumbled a man's deep voice. The driver jumped having, just possiblly, encountered a complete sobering moment. "Are you looking for some action, daddy-o?" Yelping, the driver sped off, screaming behind him.

"When did this turn into a gay street corner?"

Jet pulled away from the car. Wearing a dress over his usual clothes, he glared behind him at Spike and Faye, who were against a wall, sharing a cigarette. Glaring coldly, Jet demanded: "And how the _hell _is this going to get us back to the Bebop?"

Faye smiled and shrugged. "You said you wanted a quick way to earn money. We just have to suffer a few hours being hustlers."

"You're not new at this, are you, Faye?" Jet asked, looking torn between curiosity and repulsion. Faye only gave her trademark Mona-Lisa smile and said nothing as she lifted her cigarette to her lips.

_Owari_.

Thank you, Heather-chan, for more-or-less giving me this idea. I hope you like this, Jaclyn! Sorry if it is a little kinky(and not much Edward. Sadness)! I hope it put a smile on your face. To everyone else: REVIEW!

Tanjobi omedetto!

N-S.


End file.
